Wives Creative Excess™
Why buy plugins when you can rent them forever?
Wives Essential
- 120 basic nagging plugins
- Standard Vocal Nag-Rider
- 1 year update plan included
- KitchenVerse presets
- Legal defense updates
Wives Ultimate
- 240+ premium nagging plugins
- Wives Honeymoon Real-Time
- Silent Treatment De-Esser
- Full KitchenVerse preset chains
- 24/7 Morse Code Legal Support
Our Famous Plugin Collection
Highly specialized algorithms to balance your acoustic and dynamic domestic relations.
Wives Honeymoon Real-Time
Locks vocal pitch to a state of absolute compliance. Bypasses on day 31.
PreNup PreAmp
Adds warm saturation while restricting output assets. 50/50 split proof.
Diamond Ring Bundle
Includes PreNup PreAmp, Honeymoon Real-Time, and the Golden Handcuffs.
Chameleon™
Adapts your EQ curves dynamically depending on who is shouting in the room.
Kicklizard™
Transient designer that kicks you right out of the room. Pure punch.
Oprah Binfrey™
"You get a delay! You get a delay! EVERYONE GETS A FEEDBACK LOOP!"
Candi™
Artificially sweetens the high end until your processor and ears rot.
Melty™
Melts your wallet and CPU core temperatures in real-time. Extreme heat.
CaveDweller "Bro......."
Primitive audio console emulator. No clean gains. Only dirt, rocks, and mud.
FIGHT SUB: Bad Split
Splits frequencies and forces them to fight for head room. High phase wreckage.
Wives Interactive DSP Rack
Fiddle with the knobs and preview the audio degradation in real-time.
Sonic Morse Support
As part of our commitment to Totally Fake customer service, we do not respond to emails, calls, or chat tickets. All complaints must be submitted sonically via Morse Code. Write your support request below, and click Transmit to broadcast it directly to our main basement offices.
"Love everything these guys put out there! Ever since my Venomous-Sound plugins crashed last year, I went ITB... These guys were there to help pick up the pieces. Not literally! Figuratively."
Morse Code Transmitter
Manual Morse Tapper
Click and hold to tap manual dots and dashes.